Life seems more difficult when you choose your own path.

So the job search is still ongoing. Which is a good thing, there are jobs for me to apply for. But I’m stuck between choosing a job I actually want.

Only a handful of times in my life have I taken a job that I didn’t want.

Generally I’ve found jobs that I could see myself in for years on end, but often I’ve left for one reason or another.

I’ve tried to run my own business a few times. Each time I’ve closed the business down. I could call it failing, but each time it’s been for reasons that I’ve chosen myself, not for outside reasons.

I would love to run my own business, or even be self-employed again, but all the business I want to do require start-up money, which I don’t have.

And that’s been the issue with the businesses I’ve started in the past, I’ve not had enough money to do the things I wanted to. Plus, ultimately I’ve not had the desire to go and find solutions to the lack of money.

So the businesses were closed, and I moved on and back to being employed by someone else.

But I’ve always chosen who and where I’ve gone to work. I’ve had options of higher-paying jobs, too many times to count, but I’ve generally gone for the job that means I can lead the lifestyle I’ve wanted to outside of work.

The things I usually enjoy the most don’t require a lot of money, they just require my time, being at home or at least not at work.

Until recently I’ve not known how much power that has given me throughout my life.

Which brings me to something I read this morning on Medium.

It was a post called ‘When you’re feeling lost… this

James Altucher is someone who’s writing I’ve been reading for a while now and most of his writings make me ponder my own life and journey I’m on, which I really enjoy.

One thing that stuck out for me reading this today was the following paragraph.

Always choose who you deal with. Who you give power to. This is the way of reclaiming power over your own life.

It wasn’t until I read this that I realised that this is what I do and then I started thinking about how differently my life would be if this wasn’t the case.

Then I stopped thinking about that, it wasn’t a pleasant few minutes, ha!

Anyway, long story short. I’m going to continue being picky about what job I end up in next.

It will be driving, that’s a given.

But it will be for a company that I want to work for, not just one that provides a monthly wage to pay the bills. I just can’t be too picky as I’ve still got those bills to pay at the end of the month haha!

Until next time,


When you know what you want, but you’re scared to go and get it.

Well, it’s been an interesting few weeks that’s for sure. I’ve now officially left my last job. No more early starts and lack of sleep, whoop whoop. But I’ve yet to find something to move onto, which is kind of scary but also exciting at the same time.

My 2nd to last week at my last job was a washout. I got a bug from my partner which laid me up for most of the week, and thankfully I was well enough to go in for my last week.

It was kind of sad and relieving at the same time. Sad in that I hated leaving behind people who I have really enjoyed working with and for. But relieving in the sense that I can now get regular sleep, not have to work every Sunday or miss my beloved footy, or stay up and only get 4hrs sleep if I do watch it!

Anyway, I don’t like to dwell too much on the past, so it’s onwards and forwards. I’ve been applying for a number of jobs every day for the last 3-4 days, so I’m hopeful one of them will turn out positive. Plus I’ve signed up with a number of job agencies to get them working for me too, so something should come up soon.

I’m strangely not anxious in anyway about not having a job yet. Even though I know I’ve loads of bills at the end of this month, I’m confident that I’ll have something by the end of this week and that it’ll pay enough for the remainder of the month to enable me to pay those bills.

Actually the large majority of jobs I’ve been applying for have been a huge 25-50% more in yearly wage than I was on in my last job, which is amazing on one hand but expected on the other. The main reason I paid to obtain my HGV license was to enable me to earn more, but to actually see the increase with my own eyes is great.

I started out last week thinking that I could be picky with my requirements though. Not wanting early starts or to work more than 9hrs a day. But I’ve decided that I need to earn as much as possible and so if I have to start early ‘ish’ then so be it. Although 5am isn’t really early for me anyway, seeing as though I’m used to getting up at 2am!

And working 10-11 hour days is fine too, seeing as though I’ll probably be starting early, I’ll still be home by 6pm most days.

Today for instance, I’ve literally applied for 3 jobs all with wages over £25k, which is a massive increase on my previous wage. And although all of them were 10hrs a day, they were only 5 days a week and all weekdays too, so it’s kind of a no brainer really.

When I first thought of applying for my HGV license I think I was scared for some reason. Scared of not getting a higher paying job, scared perhaps that I couldn’t do the work, maybe even scared that actually I could and that I’d find it easy.

I don’t know that isn’t the case yet. But now that I have my license and have let the thought of what I’ll be doing sink in, I’m not really scared, I’m more anxious and excited about what the future holds.

For the first time in a very very long time, I can see an end to our debt issues and I can see a future where we are planning on being debt free and actually able to work on creating something more for ourselves than we’ve ever had before.

For whatever reasons in the past, I think I’ve been scared of actually getting the things we’ve really wanted and come up with various reasons and excuses as to why we didn’t have them or really want to have them.

But now that I’ve experienced the things I have over the last 10-20 years, I can honestly sit here now and say to myself, what a fucking idiot, just pull your finger out and go smash it, grab what you really want.

Both my partner and I eager to set ourselves some proper financial goals again, like we used to years and years ago and we have set a few the last few days, but I’ve tempered back my planning until I actually obtain a higher paying job, it’s easier said than done after all.

The last time I applied for a new job I went through 19 applications before I got even 1 reply, so I’m not getting myself worked up just yet, with my measly 11 applications so far with no response.

Still, it wouldn’t hurt would it, a quick email or phone call to say thanks for the application, we’ll be in touch soon. Or is that just me?

Anyway, that’s enough for tonight, I’m mentally drained today, so much thinking. I’m still bunged up but think I need to use some energy tomorrow, so will probably do some bodyweight workout of some kind, it’s been nearly 3 weeks since my last one, egads!

Until next time…


What if when we die…..

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel is the light to another hospital room.

There we are born again, and the only reason we come out crying is that we remember everything from our previous life.

We’re crying at the fact we died and lost everything. As we grow, we start forgetting our past life and focus on the life we have now.

Maybe patches of memory stay behind, and that memory is what we call deja vu.

What if.

Until next time…


*read this somewhere, closed my browser and couldn’t remember where, but I did copy it and it was still in my dashboard history so wanted to post it as I love it!

When you want something bad enough, you’ll find a way.

It’s been a pretty good two weeks back at work after the Christmas holidays. I’ve stuck to my fitness goal of doing something every day and I’m feeling great for it. I’m not sure what’s changed mentally, but I’ve just been able to mentally overcome the obstacles that I couldn’t late last year.

Well, I say feeling great. Feeling as great as I can having to still get up at stupid o’clock. Which broke my record for early starts last week when I had to get up at 1:30 am.

It wouldn’t have been so bad had I not stayed up to watch the football till 10:30 pm that night! I did make up for it a little in the afternoon once I had finished work, by getting another 3hrs sleep, so it’s all good. Although I did have a banging headache all day and night, so maybe it wasn’t ‘all good’.

Hey ho, it’s nearly coming to an end. Although I haven’t got a job yet, I’m confident enough that something will come of all the applications I’ve been putting in, another 5 in the last few days and also the temp agencies I’ve come across have plenty of work it seems.

I just feel like I’m more eager to finish the night work than I am to find something else to move on to, which is stupid as I can’t afford to do nothing. But I’m happy enough that I can do most jobs that I’ve seen advertised by the temp agencies, so it should be all good.

I’ve spoken to a few people this week, or should I say they’ve spoken to me. And they’ve been more concerned than I have at me not having something lined up before I leave my current job.

I think for me, I know that I can find something quite quickly by going to the temp agencies, but also that I have plenty of experience of leaving it late in the past too. It’s how I used to change jobs years ago before I stayed at the farm job for 7-8 years, so I’m fine with it.

Anyway. Back to my fitness. I’ve stuck to my short bodyweight routines of 5 x chin ups, 10 x push ups and 15 x squats and done 2 rounds every other day and the days in between I’ve done a 20-minute brisk walk on the treadmill with my 18kg weights vest on.

It’s been nothing herculean but it’s been keeping me active and burning a few hundred calories so it helps my fat loss. Which has been going well I think? I feel like my stomach has shrunk a little, it already feels less jiggly lol. I’m not taking another measurement until the end of next week, but I do feel that I’ve lost some body fat.

But most importantly I’m finding myself getting home from work and despite feeling lethargic I’ve still gone and done something exercise wise, so I’m really happy about that.

I guess that right now I want to lose this excess body fat more than being lazy and eating rubbish food. Which funnily enough, even though I am eating more consistent, I haven’t really changed much, I’ve just made sure I’m more conscious of actually eating what I need to every day and making sure I log everything so that I can visually see I’m doing what needs to be done too.

Onwards and upwards as the saying goes.

Until next time…


Doing some form of exercise every day and IIFYM.

This is my new year’s resolution for 2017.

Doing some form of exercise, every, single, day. And If It Fits My Macros it’s going in my face hole.

At least until I get my fitness levels back to a decent level (for me) and my body fat (waist size) down to where I want it.

I’ve decided to take some measurements for the first time in a while, after all, if I don’t know where I’m starting from, I don’t know how far I’ve got to go.

Or something motivational along those lines 😎.

Anyhoo, here’s where I’m at today…

Weight: 75kg

Waist: 36 inches

Chest: 41 inches

So there it is, I officially have the fattest gut I’ve ever had. Strangely enough, I’ve got my 2nd largest chest measurement I’ve ever had and yet I’m not the heaviest I’ve ever been.

Anyone would think fat takes up more space than muscle! 😉

I’ve stuck with just my stomach and chest measurements only as they’re the stats that tell me where I’m at the best.

I’ve taken my scale weight just for reference purposes, I don’t actually care what I weigh, and it doesn’t matter to me, it’s my measurements that do matter.

This is especially important when you’re weight training. I’ve noticed a lot of people who are trying for fat loss tend to focus on scale weight.

It works, to begin with, as the body loses water weight and some fat pretty quickly. But then that levels off, and if you’re doing some form of muscle building exercise, then the muscle gain starts to even out the water/fat loss. Then these people get demotivated that their diet isn’t working and quit.

I think I’m going to weigh myself and take some measurements every 2 weeks, to begin with, then just stick to the measurements and only weigh myself once a month after the first month.

So this week I literally just did one round of 5 x chin ups, 10 x pushups and 15 x squats per day, every work day.

Today is my day off, and I’m doing a 30 min walk on the treadmill with my 18kg weights vest on as well as the one round of bodyweight exercises.

Holy shit was I sweating by the end of the walk. Talk about fitness level drop! Only 2/3 months ago I was doing short distance sprints (30-60 secs)  on the treadmill with it on, and not sweating as much as I did

Only 2/3 months ago I was doing short distance sprints (30-45 secs) on the treadmill with it on, and not sweating as much as I did today 😥.

I’ve deliberately stuck to something basic every day, just so that I start off with some easy wins for my first week exercising and being back at work.

This week wasn’t too bad with the early 3 am starts, getting up wasn’t the issue in fact. What the issue was, was the getting to sleep.

I was a good boy and stuck to my new sleep schedule. Every night I went to bed (about 8:30 pm) a good 30-45 mins before I needed to be asleep. But every, single, fucking, night, I was awake for at least an hour, lying there feeling relaxed and not thinking about anything, but yet I didn’t get to sleep that quickly.

It’s not surprising really. Seeing as though I’ve spent the best part of 2 weeks not going to bed that early. I just would’ve thought with being up that early, getting less sleep, being on my feet for half the work day, doing the exercise, that this would’ve tired me out enough to get to sleep quickly, just like before Christmas.

Hey ho, I’m sure I’ll be back to normal soon enough. Although getting the 1.5hrs+ sleep during the day does mean I’m at least getting 6hrs every 24hrs, but the afternoon sleeping makes me feel thick headed, and it takes several hours for it to wear off.

Although getting the 1.5hrs+ sleep during the day means I’m at least getting 6hrs every 24hrs, which is good. But the afternoon sleeping makes me feel thick headed, and it takes several hours for it to wear off.

I’m trying to stick to 90 minutes sleep segments, but it’s difficult when I set the alarm for 2hrs, which should allow me 30 mins to get to sleep, but I take 60 mins and then only get 60 mins sleep because the alarm wakes me up.

I’m not too bothered, to be honest. I’ve got less than a month left of this job, and I will then hopefully be in a more civilised one. Well, that’s assuming I can find one during January.

I didn’t really set myself a realistic goal of finding a new job with the holiday break last month. Most job advertisements died off for about 3 weeks, and are only just now coming back. But I’m optimistic something suitable will come up, even if it just gets me out of the early starts of this job, I’ll be getting better sleep and be in a better place mentally to look for another more suitable job.

Right, one last thing I wanted to write down was about my eating.

After spending the last few months not eating properly, not cycling to work or for fun, and also not consistently doing any weight lifting, it’s not a surprise my body has gone to shit.

So I’ve decided to go for IIFYM. Which for anyone reading this that doesn’t know what it means, it’s “if it fits your macros”.

I don’t like putting terms or names on what I do eating or exercise wise. I just eat and exercise, it’s no more difficult than that.

But I want to log and write about things more this time round, so I thought I’d give things some official names to make me sound cool. 😎

So I’ve done IIFYM in the past. Basically most of the last 15+ years actually. I don’t generally care what I eat, as long as I like it, as long as I feel good, I continue eating it.

Sometimes I’ve decided that I ‘should’ eat more vegetables, or ‘should’ eat a particular food less. But then I’ve become unhappy which spirals into not eating properly at all and not exercising at all.

So that’s not happening again, ever.

Plus, IIFYM is ideal for me wanting to lose a few inches off my stomach and do nothing else with my health, etc.

I don’t want to add any extra muscle mass, I don’t want to be any healthier, I only want to lose the excess belly fat, so IIFYM is perfect for that.

It’s simple to do and means I don’t have to change anything eating wise. I’m just going to keep track of things via My Fitness Pal, and that’s it.

Once I’ve lost my excess belly fat, or at least got it down to 33/34 inches again, I’ll probably stop IIFYM most likely. Maybe I won’t, we’ll see how I feel at the time.

Right, so I’ve worked out my calorie intake for each day, and I’m using that as a baseline level to build my eating back up to. Then once I’m consistently eating that in real food every day and also exercising every day, I’ll then change it accordingly to match my activity levels.

I honestly think the only thing I’m going to struggle with is eating proper portion sized meals for dinner.

Except for Christmas dinner, a farewell dinner for my partner’s in-laws and a pre-Christmas works dinner, I literally didn’t eat a decent sized meal for probably 3 months.

Instead, I spent the afternoons and evenings snacking on shit foods in smaller portions, and therefore I feel like I’ve shrunk my stomach and I just can’t eat big meals now.

It’s kind of a good thing actually because now that I want to lose some belly fat and have a lower calorie intake, my meals need to be slightly smaller.

I just need to make sure I don’t keep any shit food in the house, and then I won’t be tempted to eat any.

And that’s been my bane for months now. Having the shit food in the house. I’m good at not popping to the shops, or via the shops or even getting something shitty while out and about. But if I’ve got shit food at home, that’s it, I get all psychic and start hearing voices in my head from the food telling me to eat it! 😜

Ok, that’s enough of that today, I’m hungry, and it’s time for brunch.

Until next time…


I haven’t finished a book in years.

I’ve had lots of different books on my Amazon wish list for a few years now, but I’ve not brought any off of it for just as long. Not that I don’t read books any more, because I do.

It’s that I don’t finish them.

I don’t like reading fiction, I’ve never been into story books, even if they’re sci-fi/fantasy related. I prefer to watch movies and series that are sci-fi/fantasy related.

I like to read books that educate me in a way that I haven’t experienced yet.

My bookcase has the following range of books on it:

Alex Ferguson’s Autobiography

The Art of Expressing the Human Body by Bruce Lee (plus most of his other books)

Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki

Finding Your Way Without a Map or Compass by Harold Gatty

Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude by Napoleon Hill

I have many more books along the lines of those above, which as you can see covers a broad range of subjects.

I’ve not consciously gone and brought this variety of books, but as the years have gone by I’ve been interested in various different things and decided to buy a book at a particular time because it was relevant to what I needed to know at that given time.

I think my issue nowadays is that rather than buy a book on a subject that I’m currently interested in, I tend to search for that topic online.

I find a website, blog, etc. that has the information I require and spend some time reading that.

The issue I’ve found with this is that the information tends to be in short form. So while I do get an amount of information on the subject I’m interested in, I don’t get any in-depth information.

I’ve found myself not wanting to delve deeper into a subject, but instead move on to the next subject, read a short piece of information about it and then move on to the next subject again.

Reading information on the internet has satiated my short term need for constant information, but I’ve recently found myself desiring more in-depth and meaningful information.

Information that I’ve only typically found within the pages of a book or at least within a long form article on the internet.

Anyway, this Christmas I received a couple of books off of my wish list which was great. Firstly because someone actually brought something off of it, instead of thinking to themselves, “hey this person has taken the time to put things they actually want into a list, but I’m not going to buy anything from it because I know better”.

And yes that has happened to me, on too many occasions.

I don’t know why the people I’ve given my wish list to think like that, but this year is only one of a handful of times that I’ve gotten something from the list, so it’s been a great Christmas from a gift point of view for me, haha.

The two books I received this Christmas were:

How To Get Lucky by Max Gunther and Sapiens a Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari.

Two very different books, but two that I’ve wanted for most of 2016.

I’m reading How To Get Lucky right now actually, well, I’ve taken a 10-minute break for a coffee and to write this, haha.

I have in fact probably read more pages of this book than I have any book during the whole of 2016!

I do have to keep telling my stupid little mind that I don’t need to check Facebook/Twitter/Instagram etc. every 10 minutes. I know for a fact that once I’m on social media that that’s me done for an hour or so, and I’ll end up going off on some random tangents of pressing/clicking and not actually do anything meaningful.

Ideally, I’d actually like to get another bookcase. The one I’ve got has five good sized shelves on it, but they’re all taken up with books and a few ornaments. Along with my growing collection of Funko Pops!

I do need to get creative and build/put up some shelving around the house, so that I can put my collections of Funko Pops and ornaments on them and keep the bookcase just for books.

Hmm, I feel a reorganising session of the bookcase coming on. Damn it, I need to make some more sausage rolls first though, piggy here ate all of the previous one’s I’d made!

Until next time…


Christmas 2016 – This time it’s different.

Oh Christmas, what a time of year. From memory most years I’ve been working somewhere that has had a full 2-week break, and I love it!

For as long as I can remember, most years I use this 2 week period to absolutely stuff my face with whatever food I can fit in it and do no exercise, what so ever.

In previous years I’ve not really gone more than a week with no exercise and stuffing my face throughout the year, and so I really looked forward to Christmas and stuffing my face.

I would normally get to about day ten and start feeling like that enough was enough and that I needed to start tapering off the face stuffing.

This year?

I’ve had enough already.

Am I getting old? Maybe I’m maturing? Perhaps I’ve finally consciously decided to moderate my Christmas binges?


Fuck right off.

Getting older, yes, I can’t deny that. But age isn’t the reason I’ve had enough already this year.

Maturing? Yeah right, that’ll be the day I die. Shit, even when on my death bed, I still intend to be making toilet humour jokes.

So, that only leaves consciously deciding to moderate my eating.

Yeah. OK.

Sitting here writing this, I’ve had a bit of a think and I can only think that it is due to my current job and the last 3 months of obtaining my HGV license.

I think because I’ve been so lax with my exercise and healthy eating, that come Christmas time this year, I didn’t need very many days of stuffing my face to have enough of it.

Honestly, this year I’d had enough by Christmas Day evening pmsl.

I walked into the kitchen Christmas Day evening and looked at all the food, opened the fridge and saw more food and thought to myself “fuck Mike, how are we going to eat all this?”

I thought it was just having too much to eat on Christmas Day as is usually the case and thought that I’d be alright on Boxing Day.

Nope. I woke up Boxing Day and aside from a coffee first thing, I didn’t eat until mid afternoon and even by the time I went to bed on Boxing Day, I had probably only eaten the equivalent of 2 meals worth of food.

Yesterday morning when I got up, I had a coffee again and thought that there might be something wrong, perhaps I was ill?

Today though, I’ve felt in a contemplative mood again and had a bit of a think and that’s when I realised it’s due to my current job and especially the last 3 months.

I don’t think I acknowledged to myself how badly I’ve been eating until these last few days. I’ve not been stuffing my face at each meal, by any means. But I have been skipping proper meals and replacing them with shit snacks and then eating more overall than I would from a proper meal.

Hence why on Christmas Day I was stuffed half way through Christmas Dinner. And that’s not right, for me.

Actually, the signs were there a week before Christmas when we went out for a meal one afternoon with the inlaws. I ordered my usual gourmet burger and chips but had decided to have a starter of garlic bread too.

Nothing gargantuan food wise. But when I started on the burger and chips, I got about halfway through and couldn’t eat anymore.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Add this to Christmas Day dinner and I realised that I’ve been letting myself eat smaller and smaller meals and that my stomach just can’t cope anymore with the bigger meals.

All this in a matter of 3 months.

With the amount of rubbish I’ve shoved in my face these last 3 months, it’s a wonder my stomach size is at it’s biggest at thirty-five inches.


Did I just admit that in writing?

Yep. Little old me has a 35-inch waist.

Fuck me Mike.

It’s the biggest my waist has EVER been, and whilst by no means am I obese, nowhere near it. But I am far fatter than I am comfortable with. In fact, for the first time in my life, I am actually really uncomfortable with how fat I am.

I’ve gotten a podge belly in the past, been up to 34 inches waist size even. But 35 inches, fuck, my love handles are really showing now!

Obviously, I’ve noticed it in the mirror when I’ve lifted weights over the last 3 months, but I’ve chosen to ignore it, saying to myself “it’s just part of your lifestyle right now”.

Cock Womble.

I think if I hadn’t had a night job, then I probably would’ve done something about it sooner. Even doing a 12hr day shift along with the HGV training, I think I would’ve been ok.

But it’s been something about these early starts and lack of sleep that has affected my brain in a way that I haven’t been able to cope with. And thus these affects have manifested themselves right in front of me and I’ve chosen to not do anything about them.

What’s most funny about all of this. And it is funny now that I have accepted it, is that I know I can change it. I know what I need to do, I know that I’ve done it in the past and best of all I know I can do it.

It won’t be easy to lose a few inches of belly fat, let alone in the job I am in currently. But I know that I’ve only got a month left of this job and even if I can’t get a HGV driving job, I should be able to get another driving job at least.

Even if I end up at another driving job that pays the same wage. I’ll make sure that it’s a daytime hours job and then losing the fat will be much easier.

I know it won’t ever be easy. But I know from previous experience that I’m capable of going 6-8 week periods of doing what needs to be done to lose body fat. So as long as I do that this time round, I know at the end of a 6-8 week period I could easily lose an inch or more of belly fat.

And I think that is what has enabled me to come to terms with this excess belly fat so easily.

Perhaps other people would ignore it and more months would pass by and then these would turn into years passing.

Not me. 3 months is enough. I’m not as happy as I should be, and for me, that’s all that matters.

I don’t deal with acceptable or just about good enough when it comes to my health and fitness, I haven’t done for 15+ years and I’m not going to start now.

I need to be in good or very good shape physically to feel completely happy with myself. And most of all I know that being this way enables me to be the real me, full of confidence, able to tackle anything life throws at me.

And ultimately that is what’s happened these last 3 months. I’ve stopped exercising and eating healthy regularly and I’ve slowly but surely become less able to cope with what life has thrown at me.



Enough contemplating anyway. I’ve said to myself enough was enough before during these last 3 months and done nothing about it. This time, enough really is enough.

It might be stereotypical but I do honestly feel like doing a New Years resolution this year. from Jan 1st this me will disappear and the old me will be back.

Yeah fuck it, why not. I’ve successfully done New Years resolutions before. They’re easy once you have the experience.

That’s settled then, time to do some planning.

Until next time…