Bad habits creep up.

When I signed up for this new delivery driving job, I said to myself that I’d be happy doing 10-12 hr days, as long as it meant I was earning good money.

Whilst I was learning the job during the first month and then getting used to it the 2nd month I wasn’t worried about my earnings. Now that the 3rd month is over and despite earning some very good money, I’m unsure as to whether I want to continue in the role.

Which is weird because I’m now earning the highest wage I have ever earned in my life. I’m nearing my 40th birthday in a few weeks and these earnings aren’t to be sniffed at. A lot of other people would love to be on what I’m on. Especially other delivery drivers.

I know that this level of earnings is helping pay off my debt quicker than I ever have before. And that within a few years I will be debt free for one of the very few times since I turned 18 and applied for my first credit card.

I know that I’ve got myself into a debt situation that I need to knuckle down and get rid of asap, so that I can have a lifestyle not dictated by what day job I have.

I’ve gotten to know my delivery route pretty well now. I feel confident that I can solve any issues that crop up whilst delivering parcels. And that the more I continue, the easier the job will get and the money will seem even better still.

And yet I still question whether I really want to be in this job.

Ever since I started working on the land 13+ years ago, I realised pretty quickly that it was my calling. That regardless of what it was I was doing, no matter the weather or who I was working with. I loved working outside and on the land.

Ten years came and went and I loved every minute of it.

But then I changed jobs and it took me a while to come to terms with having got myself into a level of debt that meant I could no longer afford to work on the land.

But come to terms with it I did.

Now that the warmer weather is here, I miss it again.

I miss working up a good sweat digging holes and planting things. I miss the aching muscles at the end of every day. I miss the satisfaction of looking at a days work out in the fields.

For sure I enjoy driving around all day in my new job. It makes me feel like I’m doing something different every day, even though it’s the same route day in day out.

I enjoy being in the sunshine all day and the fact that my route is pretty rural and I get to deliver to various farms and farm houses.

But every time I do, I just look at the fields with envy. Wishing I could be out there working on them.

I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to see out this year in this current job. And at least make a very big dent in the size of my debt.

I don’t see myself in this role after this year though. It’s just too all consuming. Two 6 day weeks a month and every day being a 10-12hr day is just too much.

Regardless of what amount of debt I have, I’m pretty sure I’m going to find something else after the year is up.

These last few weeks has been the hardest for some reason, despite me feeling more confident in the role than I ever have.

I’ve allowed myself to become lazy and started making regular excuses to myself as to why I can’t exercise more than once a week or eat healthy the majority of the time.

My diet has gotten pretty bad. Especially the last month or so. I’ve never drunk more coca-cola than in the last month. I’ve never eaten more crisps or chocolate bars than in the last month.

Normally I allow myself the odd chocolate bar, crisps or something junk foody during the week but save up a little binge for the weekend. It’s worked for me for 15+ years but for some reason I’ve stopped it since starting my new job.

It’s come to a head this weekend. Me being ill has helped, so it’s been a perfect time for self pity and wallowing. I’ve consumed about a weeks worth of junk food in 2 days pmsl.

Hey ho, I’m man enough to admit when things aren’t going well and these last few weeks have been pretty bad for me.

At least I’m aware of it. Have now faced it and it’s now time to move on.

It’s time to embrace the long days. Make sure I plan things. I need to do one thing every day weight lifting wise. Get back to eating healthy 80%+ of the time and stop drinking so much coca-cola and start drinking more water again.

Easy really.

Until next time…

WeeMike

 

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