When you know what you want, but you’re scared to go and get it.

Well, it’s been an interesting few weeks that’s for sure. I’ve now officially left my last job. No more early starts and lack of sleep, whoop whoop. But I’ve yet to find something to move onto, which is kind of scary but also exciting at the same time.

My 2nd to last week at my last job was a washout. I got a bug from my partner which laid me up for most of the week, and thankfully I was well enough to go in for my last week.

It was kind of sad and relieving at the same time. Sad in that I hated leaving behind people who I have really enjoyed working with and for. But relieving in the sense that I can now get regular sleep, not have to work every Sunday or miss my beloved footy, or stay up and only get 4hrs sleep if I do watch it!

Anyway, I don’t like to dwell too much on the past, so it’s onwards and forwards. I’ve been applying for a number of jobs every day for the last 3-4 days, so I’m hopeful one of them will turn out positive. Plus I’ve signed up with a number of job agencies to get them working for me too, so something should come up soon.

I’m strangely not anxious in anyway about not having a job yet. Even though I know I’ve loads of bills at the end of this month, I’m confident that I’ll have something by the end of this week and that it’ll pay enough for the remainder of the month to enable me to pay those bills.

Actually the large majority of jobs I’ve been applying for have been a huge 25-50% more in yearly wage than I was on in my last job, which is amazing on one hand but expected on the other. The main reason I paid to obtain my HGV license was to enable me to earn more, but to actually see the increase with my own eyes is great.

I started out last week thinking that I could be picky with my requirements though. Not wanting early starts or to work more than 9hrs a day. But I’ve decided that I need to earn as much as possible and so if I have to start early ‘ish’ then so be it. Although 5am isn’t really early for me anyway, seeing as though I’m used to getting up at 2am!

And working 10-11 hour days is fine too, seeing as though I’ll probably be starting early, I’ll still be home by 6pm most days.

Today for instance, I’ve literally applied for 3 jobs all with wages over £25k, which is a massive increase on my previous wage. And although all of them were 10hrs a day, they were only 5 days a week and all weekdays too, so it’s kind of a no brainer really.

When I first thought of applying for my HGV license I think I was scared for some reason. Scared of not getting a higher paying job, scared perhaps that I couldn’t do the work, maybe even scared that actually I could and that I’d find it easy.

I don’t know that isn’t the case yet. But now that I have my license and have let the thought of what I’ll be doing sink in, I’m not really scared, I’m more anxious and excited about what the future holds.

For the first time in a very very long time, I can see an end to our debt issues and I can see a future where we are planning on being debt free and actually able to work on creating something more for ourselves than we’ve ever had before.

For whatever reasons in the past, I think I’ve been scared of actually getting the things we’ve really wanted and come up with various reasons and excuses as to why we didn’t have them or really want to have them.

But now that I’ve experienced the things I have over the last 10-20 years, I can honestly sit here now and say to myself, what a fucking idiot, just pull your finger out and go smash it, grab what you really want.

Both my partner and I eager to set ourselves some proper financial goals again, like we used to years and years ago and we have set a few the last few days, but I’ve tempered back my planning until I actually obtain a higher paying job, it’s easier said than done after all.

The last time I applied for a new job I went through 19 applications before I got even 1 reply, so I’m not getting myself worked up just yet, with my measly 11 applications so far with no response.

Still, it wouldn’t hurt would it, a quick email or phone call to say thanks for the application, we’ll be in touch soon. Or is that just me?

Anyway, that’s enough for tonight, I’m mentally drained today, so much thinking. I’m still bunged up but think I need to use some energy tomorrow, so will probably do some bodyweight workout of some kind, it’s been nearly 3 weeks since my last one, egads!

Until next time…

WeeMike

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