Oh Christmas, what a time of year. From memory most years I’ve been working somewhere that has had a full 2-week break, and I love it!
For as long as I can remember, most years I use this 2 week period to absolutely stuff my face with whatever food I can fit in it and do no exercise, what so ever.
In previous years I’ve not really gone more than a week with no exercise and stuffing my face throughout the year, and so I really looked forward to Christmas and stuffing my face.
I would normally get to about day ten and start feeling like that enough was enough and that I needed to start tapering off the face stuffing.
I’ve had enough already.
Am I getting old? Maybe I’m maturing? Perhaps I’ve finally consciously decided to moderate my Christmas binges?
Fuck right off.
Getting older, yes, I can’t deny that. But age isn’t the reason I’ve had enough already this year.
Maturing? Yeah right, that’ll be the day I die. Shit, even when on my death bed, I still intend to be making toilet humour jokes.
So, that only leaves consciously deciding to moderate my eating.
Sitting here writing this, I’ve had a bit of a think and I can only think that it is due to my current job and the last 3 months of obtaining my HGV license.
I think because I’ve been so lax with my exercise and healthy eating, that come Christmas time this year, I didn’t need very many days of stuffing my face to have enough of it.
Honestly, this year I’d had enough by Christmas Day evening pmsl.
I walked into the kitchen Christmas Day evening and looked at all the food, opened the fridge and saw more food and thought to myself “fuck Mike, how are we going to eat all this?”
I thought it was just having too much to eat on Christmas Day as is usually the case and thought that I’d be alright on Boxing Day.
Nope. I woke up Boxing Day and aside from a coffee first thing, I didn’t eat until mid afternoon and even by the time I went to bed on Boxing Day, I had probably only eaten the equivalent of 2 meals worth of food.
Yesterday morning when I got up, I had a coffee again and thought that there might be something wrong, perhaps I was ill?
Today though, I’ve felt in a contemplative mood again and had a bit of a think and that’s when I realised it’s due to my current job and especially the last 3 months.
I don’t think I acknowledged to myself how badly I’ve been eating until these last few days. I’ve not been stuffing my face at each meal, by any means. But I have been skipping proper meals and replacing them with shit snacks and then eating more overall than I would from a proper meal.
Hence why on Christmas Day I was stuffed half way through Christmas Dinner. And that’s not right, for me.
Actually, the signs were there a week before Christmas when we went out for a meal one afternoon with the inlaws. I ordered my usual gourmet burger and chips but had decided to have a starter of garlic bread too.
Nothing gargantuan food wise. But when I started on the burger and chips, I got about halfway through and couldn’t eat anymore.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Add this to Christmas Day dinner and I realised that I’ve been letting myself eat smaller and smaller meals and that my stomach just can’t cope anymore with the bigger meals.
All this in a matter of 3 months.
With the amount of rubbish I’ve shoved in my face these last 3 months, it’s a wonder my stomach size is at it’s biggest at thirty-five inches.
Did I just admit that in writing?
Yep. Little old me has a 35-inch waist.
Fuck me Mike.
It’s the biggest my waist has EVER been, and whilst by no means am I obese, nowhere near it. But I am far fatter than I am comfortable with. In fact, for the first time in my life, I am actually really uncomfortable with how fat I am.
I’ve gotten a podge belly in the past, been up to 34 inches waist size even. But 35 inches, fuck, my love handles are really showing now!
Obviously, I’ve noticed it in the mirror when I’ve lifted weights over the last 3 months, but I’ve chosen to ignore it, saying to myself “it’s just part of your lifestyle right now”.
I think if I hadn’t had a night job, then I probably would’ve done something about it sooner. Even doing a 12hr day shift along with the HGV training, I think I would’ve been ok.
But it’s been something about these early starts and lack of sleep that has affected my brain in a way that I haven’t been able to cope with. And thus these affects have manifested themselves right in front of me and I’ve chosen to not do anything about them.
What’s most funny about all of this. And it is funny now that I have accepted it, is that I know I can change it. I know what I need to do, I know that I’ve done it in the past and best of all I know I can do it.
It won’t be easy to lose a few inches of belly fat, let alone in the job I am in currently. But I know that I’ve only got a month left of this job and even if I can’t get a HGV driving job, I should be able to get another driving job at least.
Even if I end up at another driving job that pays the same wage. I’ll make sure that it’s a daytime hours job and then losing the fat will be much easier.
I know it won’t ever be easy. But I know from previous experience that I’m capable of going 6-8 week periods of doing what needs to be done to lose body fat. So as long as I do that this time round, I know at the end of a 6-8 week period I could easily lose an inch or more of belly fat.
And I think that is what has enabled me to come to terms with this excess belly fat so easily.
Perhaps other people would ignore it and more months would pass by and then these would turn into years passing.
Not me. 3 months is enough. I’m not as happy as I should be, and for me, that’s all that matters.
I don’t deal with acceptable or just about good enough when it comes to my health and fitness, I haven’t done for 15+ years and I’m not going to start now.
I need to be in good or very good shape physically to feel completely happy with myself. And most of all I know that being this way enables me to be the real me, full of confidence, able to tackle anything life throws at me.
And ultimately that is what’s happened these last 3 months. I’ve stopped exercising and eating healthy regularly and I’ve slowly but surely become less able to cope with what life has thrown at me.
Enough contemplating anyway. I’ve said to myself enough was enough before during these last 3 months and done nothing about it. This time, enough really is enough.
It might be stereotypical but I do honestly feel like doing a New Years resolution this year. from Jan 1st this me will disappear and the old me will be back.
Yeah fuck it, why not. I’ve successfully done New Years resolutions before. They’re easy once you have the experience.
That’s settled then, time to do some planning.
Until next time…