You would have thought I’d have learnt my lesson by now:
More money doesn’t automatically equal more happiness.
I’ve consciously wanted to be earning more money for 3-4yrs now. Having been working in a job I loved but not earning a lot I yearned to earn more without thinking that I’d have to be in a job I didn’t love.
Saying I don’t love my new job is wrong actually, because I do. It’s just that it’s so different to what I’m used to that I’m finding it difficult to let go of my old job, despite the lower pay.
Ideally I’d like to continue working on the land, but I can’t justify the lower pay as there are things I’d like to do that it wouldn’t pay for.
Sure I’ve got ideas of earning more from other endeavours but my main income has to come from a day job for now and that means sacrificing something, which at the moment is what kind of day job that it is.
Despite my love for working on the land, I realised a few years ago that unless I come into a small fortune that allows me to buy some land/a farm or get to work for a farm that pays a pretty decent wage for a standard 8-10 hour work day (is there such a place?) then I’ve got to think of another career for a day job.
I’ve thought about driving a truck for a living for a few years. I toyed with it whilst working on a farm in my last job, but again because of the lower pay, I couldn’t even afford to think about it, so I put it to one side.
Now that I’m back in a City that has higher paying jobs I can now think about truck driving again. Although I’m not sure that it is something I want to do long term, it’s something that I want to try for a while and see how it goes:
Because that’s how I’ve found the things I love, by trying new things.
Unless my new boss is really naive they can’t think that I’ll be working for them for the long term(5+ yrs) simply because I originally signed up for a drivers role, which turned into a production and drivers role due to the lack of hours/pay for the driving role, but during the interview process I acknowledged that I want to be driving for a living, and although I’d signed up for a night drivers role, I wanted to drive trucks for a living in the long term.
So for the short term I’m partly doing a job I really love doing, that being driving, but I’m also doing a job that I don’t particularly like doing, but that I am enjoying enough to stick with it until the driving side of it increases.
The increased pay is the obvious major upside of this new job as firstly it has allowed me to upgrade many material possessions in the short term but ultimately it will allow me to get where I need to go in the long term.
Now the hard work has to happen where I have to crack on, get my head down and make the most of a job for the short term, so that I can do a job I want to do for the long term.
Shit, I might not actually enjoy truck driving once I eventually get to do it, simply because it won’t be active enough, but from the way I am currently living my life and the things that I enjoy right now, I think I will and it should fit right in, but something in the back of my mind keeps eating away at me to go back to working the land or at least in a job that requires me to be very active.
I don’t see it disappearing any time soon, but for now it’s not a viable option so I’m putting it aside for the short term.
Hey ho, for now I’ve got a lot of changes to get used to and ultimately make the most of. I’ll embrace what I’ve got in front of me as best I can without sacrificing who I know I am.
The most important thing right now for me is getting my strength/fitness back to the level it was 4-5 months ago.
For whatever reason I fell completely and totally off the rails back in September and whilst I’ve tried to justify it to myself, it just doesn’t make any sense now that I’ve had the Christmas break to really think about things.
Everything I’ve been through and everything I’ve become just doesn’t correlate to me falling off the rails as much as I have, sure a few life changing things happened, but I’ve always fallen back on my fitness/strength during hard times in the past, so why was now any different?
The only thing I can think of is that because I was working in a job that I loved but that came to an abrupt and pretty much unexpected end, this had an impact on me emotionally that I haven’t had to contend with ever before. Or certainly not since becoming the person I have through being fitter/stronger than ever before.
The emotional shit I’ve had to contend with were things that I was aware of, things that I knew could crop up in my last job, but they were also things that I kept at the back of my mind hoping that they would never become true.
And that was ultimately a recipe for disaster, waiting to happen.
Alas, the recipe was cooked and the disaster manifested itself.
Now I have to move on from it. If there is one thing I’ve learnt from the last few months, it’s that I need to be more focused on my future if I want it to become something that I am happy with.
That’s a pretty fucking obvious statement to make, but the life I have lived the last 7-8yrs hasn’t really been focused. It happened because I wanted it to, but it was pretty laid back and things fell into place that weren’t really under my control.
Whereas now that I want specific things for my future, I have to become focused, even more strong willed, probably more selfish to get those things.
I know that a future that just happens and isn’t really in my control is one where I won’t be properly happy and ultimately won’t be true to who I really am, or more importantly who I have become.
I used to be someone who let things flow, let things happen and ended pretty happy with the outcome. But since getting my health back and becoming fitter, stronger and healthier than ever before (up to September this year anyway) I’ve realised that letting things flow and just happen won’t get me where I will be truly happy, or at least where I think I will be truly happy.
Aaaaah. This time between Christmas and New Year is so good for thinking about things.
I’ve always been able to take time off over this period from my day jobs, which has been good as I am definitely a thinking person, haha!
It’s now time to become a do’er. Time to go and get the things I really want in life, and ultimately to be happy with them.
That’s all anyone of us ever want isn’t it, just to be happy?
Something that I’ve learnt over the years is that not a lot of people properly think about the things that make them happy.
For me I thought it was money, which it still is to most extents, but I know that where the money comes from is more important for me.
If it’s working for someone else or working for myself, it’s got to be from something that makes me happy.
Because whilst I know having more money will make me happy:
It’s what money allows me to do that will ultimately create the most happiness in my life.
Now I know what I need to do to create that happiness, it’s time to go to work!
Until next time…
p.s yup, I officially love quoting myself, wanker.