Lately I’ve found myself being less and less interested in things, or should I say less and less passionate for things.
I’m not sure why really, and cannot put my finger on anything specific like being less passionate about my work (which I’m not) or being less passionate about my health (which I’m not) — it’s just a general lack of passion for anything, for life itself I think.
I just find myself not caring if something does or doesn’t happen, if I do or don’t do something or have something, it’s just a lack of passion for anything coming from somewhere.
I find myself waking up in the morning and not wanting to go to work – but I enjoy my job, although I have thought about getting a driving job again lately – whilst I am currently enjoying working out doors with fruit n veg, I’m not enjoying it now as much as I did 6 months ago — maybe it’s got something to do with the weather, heh.
I find myself getting back to my old self of about a year and a half ago when I didn’t want to be part of society and part of all it’s inequalities — I felt embarrassed all the time at the lavish life I led, knowing of all the people in the world that suffer for me to be able to have all the things I own or use in my day to day life — and I hated it.
But somehow I found something I was passionate for (working outdoors) and that allowed me to downsize my life, realise what I really needed from it and then this somehow allowed me to accept the inequalities I saw in life, realise that I really couldn’t do anything about them (bar taking down every western government) and it allowed me to get on with my life — but lately I’ve found myself becoming frustrated with things again.
Maybe it’s because I allow myself to watch/read/listen to the main stream media with all their boring, depressing stories and they get to me too much and this has had an effect on me, I don’t know really. I read alternative media on the internet but even this doesn’t balance things out.
I just find that every time I go to do something all I can ever think about is the people in the world who are trodden on by our western world, and yet we all in this western world (myself included) continue on our lives not caring about these people.
And it’s not as if we are using these people for good, all we are using them for is to create mindless crap for us to consume – it just really doesn’t make any sense.
Sitting here now and looking back over what I have just written I feel a little voice in the back of my head saying to pull myself together, be an adult, deal with the way life is and get on with it.
But that’s just it, that’s what the problem is I am facing. Everyone around me seems to be able to just get on with it, and accept the way that the world is, but I just can’t seem to……