Self obsessed manic depressive or deep thinking realist?

Not had any luck in finding a house to live in yet, seen quite a few but none that were worth leaving the secludedness of the caravan for .. not just yet anyway … I’m sure I will change my mind once it starts getting cold!

Need to buy a new 2nd hand car now too, our current one is on the way out, seeing as though it’s nearly 11 years old it seems silly to pay out again to get it fixed, so I’m on the look out for another car, one that’s not an estate too,  seeing as though we don’t really need that much car space, and also one that has a little more acceleration than the current one (which wouldn’t be hard!) … and it seems a good time to get one now before we move into a house again and don’t have that much free cash to spend … well, until I create a 2nd income online doing something anyway!

Sad news coming, please bare with me whilst I compose myself………..

We had to say goodbye to our beloved Sid the cat last week.  He had started to go down hill again, wasn’t eating and was wondering off to places in the orchard he had never been before.  All signs that he might be wanting to move on.  So we took him to the vet and said what we thought and the vet agreed that unless we were willing to put him through various tests and procedures that it was probably best for the old man to be put to sleep.

So sadly we made the decision to let him go……….. man, I hate emotions, even now I am still welling up, I really got attached to that lickle old fur ball that used to cough stinking stale cat food breath on me first thing in the mornings, and used to try to get under the bed quilt with me on cold nights too … Sid, you were the dude! ….   Anyway where was I,  ah yes,  sadly for us I say, but more than likely happy for him as I’m pretty sure he wasn’t enjoying himself anymore … wobbling around when he walked, not being able to eat much food because his mouth was so buggered, and all the other things old age does to a cat, buggered ticker, buggered bladder, buggered thyroid!

Both me and Dena were really really reeeally sad that night because we’ve really loved having Sid around with us for the last 4-5 years, and it felt like we had created a little family with the 3 of us, heh! …. he had really started to get little characteristics going the last 6-12 months or so, and had seemed to be finally realising we were not going to dump him somewhere or abuse him like his previous owners did, but sadly I think whatever he had gone through previously was too much for his old body to take and even with the intervention of some alternative and conventional medicine, he couldn’t stay around any longer.

It’s funny how attached we both become to little Sid, having him around really kind of felt normal, like he was part human or something, and now that he isn’t here any more it’s strange how we go to do some things automatically thinking he is still around, and then we have to double check what we are doing, realising that he isn’t here anymore.

Dena’s had a few tears the last few evenings as we’ve been sat watching a dvd or talking, and she’s wanted Sid to be around to cuddle or just be with, or just watch his funny little ways, and it’s been really hard not to cry too, but I’ve stopped myself for someone reason.  Don’t know why really, maybe to try and be strong for Dena to seemingly offer her some more comfort by not crying and being there for her, or just to be seen to be manly or something, either way I’m not sure.

We’ve both talked about how strange and bizarre death really is … does everything just come to an end and there isn’t nothing after death … what happens to this thing we call the soul … does it just die and another soul replaces it, or does it get reabsorbed some how into another living body to continue learning life’s lessons.

I’ve always believed life to be a circle, there is no beginning or end to live human, animal or not.  If there was a beginning what created that beginning, and what created that beginning that created that beginning?

If there was an end, how could we or anything exist at all?

If there is a god who created us humans, who created that god, and who created that god who created our god who created us, and so on and so on….

Anyway, I digress, Sid our cat has gone, we’ve been left with a hole in our lives for now and forever more, but we’ve loved every moment he was with us and hope in some way we brought him some happiness during his time with us, we’ll always remember him, our little Squizzle….

…………

Been busy at work picking loads of different things as always…. Apples, Plums, Raspberries, Blackberries, Damsons, Courgettes, Marrows, Squash and Pumpkins … busy time of the year, and the main Apple picking season hasn’t quit kicked off yet either, phew! …. but its all good as keeping busy makes the days go quickly, meaning the money saving keeps racking up, and my mind is kept occupied from thinking about how much I am missing having a house and easy access to watching my beloved football team!

Funny really, considering a year and a half ago when me and Dena set off on another little journey I didn’t want to live in a house again for the foreseeable future, but I spose that foreseeable future has now come around so I shouldn’t beat myself up about it, heh!

This last year and a half has really opened my eyes to what living off the land entails, and has giving me the knowledge and experience of what I need and don’t need in my life outside of work, regardless if it is living with the land or not.

I’ve met people who I thought I would have things in common with and share their beliefs, but instead I’ve mostly met people who seem to me anyway to have become so disillusioned with the world that they seem to have gotten lost on their journey in life.

Some of the people I have met seem to want to live a certain way, and have beliefs about living that certain way, and do not accept any views or opinions about this certain way that challenges it … and I don’t mean in just a negative way either.  I’ve tried to speak to numerous people about things I have learnt or read about that offer different views on the way they live or the reason they are living the way they are, but they’ve just dismissed the ideas or opinions or have just plain ignored them.

I have come to realise that no matter what background you come from or what way you live, regardless if it destroys the earth and it’s inhabitants or seemingly lives at peace with it all, ignorance is a standard thing amongst us humans, and all to often it gets in the way of what  I believe is our path as humans.

Our path as humans is to better understand everything around us, and to not accept that things are the way they are just because they are.  We have the ability to ask why and find the answer, it may not be the answer we really want, but it will be an answer none the less.

We have the intelligence to do pretty much anything we want to do, and if we cannot do it because of bodily limitations, we can create ways of expanding ourselves to do something that we couldn’t originally do.

But the area I believe we go wrong in is that we are constantly striving to be better or have more at the expense of other beings, whether they are small worms in the soil or big elephants in the jungle, or even our own species infact.  We constantly strive to possess more just because we can, and we give no thought to the consequences this might have on something or someone else.

If we all stopped moving forward just for the sake of it, and actually sat back for a minute to wonder why we we’re striving to move forward and found a way to do so if we wanted to that didn’t harm another living being, perhaps then and only then could we start to really think of ourselves as the amazing creatures we really think we are.

We are a strange species indeed us humans … we allow the majority of ourselves to be controlled by the minority and for what ever reasons this minority holds back the majority from expanding itself to become what ever it wants to be …. now that is the strangest thing of all….

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